Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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