He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
