Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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