Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
