I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
