Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
