and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
