if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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