how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
