Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
