OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
