upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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