I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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