i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
