# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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