i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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