my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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