i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
