so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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