I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
