i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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