I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
