Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
