Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
