I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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