finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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