I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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