I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
