what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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