its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
