1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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