i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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