after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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