I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
