her vagine was all disorganized.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
