It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
