All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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