i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
