My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
