I love black thongs
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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