just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
