My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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