Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
