I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
