well you can't waste a boner
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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