nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
