Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
