I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
