I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
