You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
